That felt weird…


Alright, it finally happened. It took me a long time, but I think I just felt it a little…

I have a feeling that many people see me as a difficult kind of guy when it comes to relationships. I understand that this is just the way I present myself to them at times. I am honestly trying to change that, but it takes time. If you want to keep that image of me, you may want to stop reading now because I’m about to prove that I may actually have a heart in here somewhere.

It’s Valentines Day. I’m surrounded by everyone with their girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, and children. Somehow, I got into a conversation with Joe about my feelings on relationships earlier today. The surprising part is that I think I initiated the conversation. Why is this strange? That is because the conversation made me start thinking about what it would be like to be sharing an abundance of love with a special someone today. I haven’t felt that in quite a while.

Truth be known, I’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past which explains part of why I don’t really do relationships these days. By these days, I mean the past several years. I’m also really quite shy when it comes to girls, so that doesn’t help either. Here’s the way I see a future relationship happening for me if I were to start it now…

Me – “You know, we’ve been friends for a while now. Do you think we should try to go out alone and see what happens?”

Fast forward a reeeeeaaaaaaaaally long time.

Me- “You know, we’ve been going out alone for a while now. Are we dating?”

We may both die of old age before I ever got around to asking for marriage…

Okay, so it’s not really that bad, but I do take my time. Why? Because I made a promise to myself that the next woman I (Edited – date exclusively) will be the woman that I am almost 100% sure that I will marry. I got tired of going out on dates just to date. I want to be extremely intentional about who I spend my time with. I have enough issues that my future spouse will have to overcome that I don’t want her to deal with a battle-scarred heart as well. I want her to have no reason to doubt that my heart belongs to her and she is getting more of it than anyone else on Earth ever has.

I know that isn’t really strange, but it may sound pretty shocking to hear from me…

Just thought I’d share, thanks for reading.


~ by jtcrespo on February 14, 2008.

2 Responses to “That felt weird…”

  1. “I made a promise to myself that the next woman I ask out on a date will be the woman that I am almost 100% sure that I will marry.”

    I’ve inclined to this perspective for most of the last two years. I figured that anything else is like go shopping with no money.

    But I realise that it’s not up to me to run my life–I’m unqualified to do that. It’s up to me seek God and do His will.

    For the last year I’ve been attracted to a friend of mine who is completely incompatible with me spiritually and ideologically. But try as I might, I haven’t been able to evict her from my mental real estate. Yesterday, I felt the almost overwhelming compulsion to call her up and ask her out. I called a different friend first to vent my frustration.

    He said, “Why don’t you pray about. Pray that God would increase or decrease your desire according to His will.” So I did. I felt pretty clearly that I should call her and ask her out. So I did.

    She said, “No.” Well, actually, she said she was busy. But it didn’t matter. I felt great…GREAT…just to have had the courage, honesty, and openmindedness to call and ask. God took me out of my head; out of controlling and managing the future; out of point and counterpoint; and put me in a place of trusting Him in the present and not knowing what would come of it.

    Today I firmly believe that I can ask a beautiful woman out on a date in such a way that honors and protects her while wasting neither her time nor mine. There is something about women that demands to be asked–and honors God in that mysterious give and take. I’m not asking her to marry me–I’m asking her for the privelidge of treating her like a beautiful woman for a few hours. And that’s okay.

  2. I’m not saying that I would ask someone to marry me on the first date, nor would I ever even consider discussing it. I just mean that I would be have prayed it over and I would be pretty certain that she is the type of person that I could spend the rest of my life with. I will not ruin the potential to have great friendships with people by dating them before I am first great friends with them. I believe that a man and a woman can get to know each other without the added social tag of the date. Let’s keep in mind that “The date” was created by man and relationships were created by God. I’m not saying my intentions would be unknown to them either because I believe that God would show both of us that it is right as long as we are both trusting our relationship to Him. What I am saying is that I’m taking myself out of the equation and leaving it up to God to provide the woman that I am compatible with because I stink at choosing based on dating. I have no problem asking someone out when I know it’s right. I am glad that you now feel that you can ask any beautiful woman out since that is a huge step for you. I’m now looking to ask “The” beautiful woman out because I know I have the strength to do it when the time comes..

    Adam – I think maybe you took this a little deeper than it was meant. I realize that it is because of the way I worded it and I will fix that.

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