I have been defeated…

and I need some of this:

I admit it. I suffer from insomnia…

For a while now, I have been having trouble sleeping. At first I thought I could just deal with it, but it’s quickly getting the better of me. My lack of sleep is causing moodiness, lack of creativity, and a lethargic feeling at all times. It isn’t good for my body. It isn’t good for my job, and it hasn’t been helping my relationships either.

Why do I have insomnia? That’s easy! I eat too much sugar. I drink too much caffeine. I spend too much time thinking about things that shouldn’t matter. I don’t exercise nearly enough. I also don’t keep anything resembling a normal schedule. Bedtime is whenever I go to bed and not when I need sleep like it should be. This all adds up to me being nowhere near as healthy as I should be.

This has caused me to be an entirely different person. I often say things that I don’t mean and lately there have been important things that I just can’t remember. Any thought requires much more effort than it should. My body is usually in a tailspin all day long and I find myself pulling it together just long enough to get through. This keeps me trying to gain enough momentum to be able to get over the next hump. It’s just a matter of time before I have a crash I can’t recover from.

I need to find a balance and here’s my plan:

1) Cut back on caffeine and sugar until I am completely off of them. This is going to hurt a lot, but it must be done. I simply can’t continue floating between sugar highs and caffeine buzzes.

2) Bedtimes don’t work for me, so I’m going to start waking up at an almost ridiculous time every morning. (5:00am) Waking up on a schedule should cause me to start falling asleep on a schedule. It will be difficult for a while, but I’ve found that it’s a good way to develop a lifelong pattern. Besides, waking up early will actually add more time to every day.

3) The exercise program is back on! Doing this alone should: a) tire me out b) eat up some of my extra time c) help me lose weight again. (healthy people sleep better)

4) I’m going to re-organize and re-prioritize my life. I had always just hoped to one day become the person I wanted to be. This simply doesn’t work. I have to “BE” the person I want to become. This will mean changing my journaling habits to include the things I eat and how I spend my time. Then I need to evaluate and make changes when necessary.

5) The most important step is going to be actually holding myself to all of the above. (This is where you come in.) If you are reading this, then I need your help. Feel free to ask me how it’s going. Call me out if you see me slipping.

Wow, I think this goes way past a simple case of insomnia. Looking back over what I just typed, it’s pretty apparent that my insomnia is caused by the need for a major life overhaul. This won’t be a simple tune-up. I’ve got to tear myself apart and rebuild. I’ll need lots of help with that. Interest from others is an incredible form of encouragement. If you feel you need to join me on this journey, I welcome you to do so. We can all change our lives together.

This will become a regular post series, but I need to come up with a catchy name for it, so it will remain Uncategorized until then…

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~ by jtcrespo on June 4, 2008.

6 Responses to “I have been defeated…”

  1. I think you need to call the catergory “shedding” or “sloughing” or “shedding my skin”…or …I’ll try to think if some more! or “decaffinating” or like you said in your blog “tune-up” or “overhalling”… we’ll keep you accountable! I love stuff like this… except the 5am stuff…5 o’clock comes once a day for me and its in the pm

  2. Good for you!!

  3. dude! jamie just said… “jerry is an insomniac too… you guys should talk” who knew
    a) you blogged, and
    b) we share a common misery!

    hope this list helps you… it encourages me to do much of the same, that’s for sure!

  4. Wow…major changes! But, good ones, so rock on!

    Wish I could be there to cheer you on…I will do it from around the world.

    And, I think an animation of some sort is in order for this…

  5. I thought you were just moody and uncreative…who knew it was due to a sleep condition.

  6. @emimatt – I was thinking of naming it Kickin’ My Own @ss, but may change my mind.

    @deedee – Glad to see you here, I had just found your blog yesterday as well. Good stuff, I love the topical lyric quotes.

    @michele – Having you cheer from Africa would mean so much more to me because it means you have to yell louder. And seriously? I wish I knew the first thing about animation. Maybe I can work with Jo Albright to create a .gif of me kicking myself in the backside…

    Adam – I knew I could count on you. And sorry, swing dancing is a late night thing and I’m trying to go to bed early. (Don’t even ask…) ) There will never be a reason to swing dance that I can’t excuse myself from. (I haven’t even had to use the allergic to striped socks excuse yet either.) And this comes from someone who used to love to go out dancing in clubs. Haha…

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